One of the goals of abuse is to make the victim feel as though they're dependent on the abuser and that they'll never be happy without them. But trying to have a friendship with someone you can't get over is only going to hurt you.Īnother reason why someone might have trouble getting over a relationship is if their partner was emotionally manipulative or abusive. You may even be able to be friends if you want, once those old feelings are gone. Remembering your relationship will only prolong your pain.Īfter you're over someone, then it's possible to look back on the good times with a sense of appreciation while recognizing that the relationship wasn't meant to be. It may be hard, but eventually you'll begin to forget about them. Of course, this may not always be possible. Remove any reminders that that person exists from your life. Unfriend them on social media, don't let yourself be in social situations with them, and don't allow yourself to reflect on your relationship. If you want to get over someone and can't, the only real way to do it is pretty harsh: cut them out of your life completely. Sometimes this is a fear of not being in love with the person any more, and sometimes it's the result of a desire for some kind of closure. However, we can also hold onto old attachments to an unhealthy degree. If you really loved someone, it's only natural for it to take a while for that feeling to fade. There can be a number of reasons to have trouble getting over a breakup. Whatever the case may be, there is wisdom behind what you're feeling.
#Why can t i get over my first love how to#
Writing down feelings or thoughts when they occur, observing them, and learning how to self-soothe and resolve can help a great deal. Maybe it's a bit of all of the above! Feelings toward others can be very complex, and this is why practicing mindfulness can help. Knowing exactly where exactly the other person stands and how they feel about continuing the relationship romantically or platonically will help.ĥ. This can keep anyone hanging on and feeling as though things are unfinished. You did not receive proper closure when the other person wanted to end the relationship, or you sense that they do not want things to be the same between you but they won't come right out and tell you that. There genuinely is a connection between the two of you, and there is more to be explored in the relationship.Ĥ. Learn to take care of you and be in your own business - because that is the only place that you have any control, anyway.ģ.
Just don't let your happiness be dependent on what this person does.
And there are probably some logical reasons that you do have this hope. You still have hope that the relationship can work out. It happens in those moments where it feels the least likely or you aren't looking for anything to happen. For some of us, we connect well with others often but for others, we don't often find people who catch our eye. There could be a few reasons for this, and my answer is based on my own personal experience.ġ. After all, why do you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you? You are better than that and deserve better than them. That will only drive you crazy because you will see the meticulously edited version of how happy they are and how they have already moved on. Also get rid of everything that reminds you of them and do not, I stress, do not stalk their social media. You were happy before you met this person and although you may be a different person now, you can be happy without them.
If you can’t think of 3 think really hard until you have 3, because I can guarantee there are 3 things in your life that have improved or will improve now that you can focus on yourself. I made myself make a list of 5 things that were better in my life after the break up. I had to stop thinking about what they were feeling or doing and start thinking about myself, actually getting in touch with my feelings and emotions. It was only after I realized that I had something to offer and realized that we both made mistakes in the relationship that I could start to move on. I told myself that I could never find anyone better or even anyone at all. I blamed myself for everything and idealized them, forgetting every flaw they had.
For months I could do nothing but obsess about what happened and why it happened and what I could do to regain what once was. Having recently dealt with a devastating break up where my fiancé left me after 8 years together I can try to answer this questions from personal experience.
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